Taking it to the Cleaners
What's the most expensive commodity on Earth? Diamonds? Gold? Plutonium? Moon rocks? Wrong, wrong, wrong and wrong. Ounce for ounce, the most expensive commodity appears to be wool. Specifically, that comprising Roy Pearson's pants.
Mr. Pearson, a lawyer and administrative law judge for the District of Columbia, has sued his dry cleaner for losing his pants and thereby failing to meet its twin pledges of "Same Day Service" and "Satisfaction Guaranteed". The price of Mr. Pearson's drawers? $65,462,500.00:
[Pearson] says he deserves millions for the damages he suffered by not getting his pants back, for his litigation costs, for "mental suffering, inconvenience and discomfort," for the value of the time he has spent on the lawsuit, for leasing a car every weekend for 10 years and for a replacement suit, according to court papers.
* * *How does he get to $65 million? The District's consumer protection law provides for damages of $1,500 per violation per day. Pearson started multiplying: 12 violations over 1,200 days, times three defendants. A pant leg here, a pant leg there, and soon, you're talking $65 million.
Worst(ed) of all, it appears the pants have been located. They are currently housed in the office closet of the dry cleaner's lawyer. Mr. Pearson could have them back if only he could bring himself to accept the cleaner's current settlement offer. The trifling offer Pearson won't accept? $12,000.00. This, folks, is why we have lawyer jokes. (via Howard).
Update: ABC News has now picked up the story (with a headline that, while perhaps obvious, calls to mind our own humble effort). The story is also linked on Drudge. The sixty-five million dollar pants have now gone viral.
